Self worth. It took a few years for me to actually get it; if you don’t love yourself enough to expect for friends, family, and people you meet along the way to treat you with respect, then you spend quite a deal of time trying to justify their existence in your life. The crazy thing about it all is that, sometimes, we get wrapped up in trying to live up to the expectations of the wrong people. Over time we wind up questioning ourselves and become disenchanted with life. Life consists of several stages, but the ones I remember the most are youth, mid-life, and older. I was a foreigner to myself during those first two stages of my life and I often found myself dissatisfied with who I was. I was always looking for love in the company of others, always needing their acceptance and approval. I failed to realize that I never needed their acceptance because I was my own, wonderful, beautiful, and spirited person.
It took a stint in rehab to help me understand that, if people like you — really like, they like you for who you are. During that span of time in my life I couldn’t embrace how much of a positive impact I had on others. I never participated in my joy because, strangely, I kept missing it. Accomplishments, personal achievements; the successes, large and small — I couldn’t see them. I was too busy trying to be somebody else for someone else — beating myself up repeatedly for not being enough of this and that. Then I’d attack my physical appearance — I was too this and I wasn’t like that. Hell, it was no wonder that I was always questioning myself. I was living up to an expectation that was being dictated by other domineering insecure people. I was trying to exceed the superficial mold being crammed down my throat by the media until one day I woke up and found a passion that would whisk me out of follower status and into leader status.
After all of that toil and struggle, those tears and strife, that insecurity and self doubt I eventually found out that I was the person that The Almighty designed me to be. I walked away from unhealthy relationships, learned to accept my friends and family for who they were, and carved out an existence equipped with the title of “writer”. Even if I inspired one person, I was participating in my life instead of watching it drift by without question. This blog of mine, and the books I have written are my way of reaching someone — anyone. It doesn’t have to be on a mass scale either. As long as I reach one person, that’s all that matters. I write out of a love for it. Hell, don’t get me wrong, I wish I could make some major dough doing it, but if that is not in my destiny then it won’t come to pass.
Today, after three years of struggle, I have managed to land a gig that will allow me to dig myself out of this hole I dug for myself three years ago. It is by Faith and Grace that I am still standing. Even in my worst of times I held on, and if that wasn’t enough to assure me of my strength, then I don’t know what is.
To the person reading this who feels lost.
To the soul reading this searching for their place in this world.
For the spirit broken and desperately praying to see the light.
Embrace those real friends and family who love you when you have nothing, for they are the only ones that matter.
Look deep within to locate that passion and nurture it until it grows.
Even if only one person gets it — that’s one more person that understands who you are.
Trust me — there will be more than one.
This is GD Grace, 5 times self-published author, blog talk radio producer, and leader in progress signing off.
(reflections of a writer)
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Author G. D. Grace reserves all rights and reproduction without written permission is not permitted. If found, legal action will be taken against the person(s) or company(s) that have cut or pasted (Plagiarized) any portion of this written document. Author, G. D. Grace; Published © 2011 October