In our search for love we sometimes fall into unhealthy relationships out of a desperation to be accepted, needed, and wanted, but a great deal of the time we still find ourselves feeling empty.
Looking for purpose in the thralls of a companion’s arms doesn’t guarantee inner peace, and if you become involved with someone with unresolved issues it can be emotionally brutal and spiritually draining.
I know there are a lot of people whom don’t feel complete unless there is someone laying beside them at night, and I must admit that there is something truly gratifying about waking up the following morning with another warm body next to you; however, I also believe that if you can find solace in slumbering and rising alone ,then having someone else there with you is an extra reward to enhance your life.
Being in love is more complex than we realize; it’s not the image that a lot of us imagine such as the long walks on the beach, hand in hand, strolling the coastline with pants legs rolled up, with playful pokes and gentle ribbing, that’s only part of the of it — extremely important, but only a part. Things really become challenging after the lust has worn off, when all of life’s pressures enter the equation.
Not all of us are equipped to handle the ups and downs, the ins and outs of a relationship, and the first snag is usually a breakdown in communication. Communication is a vital element in any relationship, romantic or platonic, and it requires a willingness on both sides of the coin. At an early age I witnessed how a lack of communication literally destroys a relationship because I saw my parent’s marriage crumble.
There were four of us children and my father worked two jobs, diligently, to make sure that we had everything we needed and, sometimes, wanted. Eventually, over time, my father began to show signs of exhaustion because, let’s face it, working all of those hours and having to contend with a “spendaholic” wife and four young kids will wear on anybody. He was into saving money and she was into spending it, and that conflict of interest resulted in some pretty intense arguments.
His inability to control her spending and her refusal to see where he was coming from led to several explosive episodes until, finally, the death of a child beat the relationship up beyond recognition. Whatever the perfect conditions were that allowed them to fall in love, get married, and have us didn’t matter at that point, the marriage collapsed after failing to reach a mutual and acceptable financial compromise.
Money issues strained the relationship and death shattered it.
Everybody wants physical-intimacy at some point in their life, but when you really stop and think about it, how many are willing to put in the work to make the relationship a long lasting one? Sex is often times mistaken for love but, in reality, sex is merely an action. We are sexual beings by nature so our bodies will respond to touch regardless of any real emotions being present; women can hide it when they are aroused, for the most part, but men cannot (Unless you’re one of those men who… let me shut up) LOL .
Sex to me is a beautiful expression of love between two consenting adults, but I know that not everyone looks at it the same way as me. Case in point; the media exploits it to sell everything from fragrances, magazines, music, clothing, automobiles, food, etc… the lists goes on and on, so it would be ludicrous for me to think that they don’t know which visual images will capture the attention of their potential customers.
Point blank, sex sells.
Like I said earlier, we are sexual beings and businesses understand how to market their products to us extremly well. I remember the time when married couples on television slept in separate beds and, as a child, I was very conflicted by what I saw because my parents slept in one bed, so I didn’t understand why Lucy and Ricky slept in twin beds? During those days sex was barely hinted about on television but, nowadays, it is literally being force-fed to everybody — including the impressionable youth.
What about AIDS?
Sexually transmitted diseases were pretty much curable back in the day, so when AIDS hit the scene it halted a lot of the free for all activity that was taking place. The media went into a safe-sex frenzy during the early years of this disease, and it seemed as if things were finally slowing down because monogomy was being promoted. Well, that little space in time was a hiccup, because after the glass of reality had been savored enough, things pretty much went right back to where they were prior to when the epidmic first started claiming lives. The cryptic depictions of the disease seemed to slip into the background after the media had milked the tragic stories to the hilt with movies like “Long Time Companion”, “Philadelphia”, “The Greg Louganis Story” and several other films.
The irony in it all is that people are still contracting HIV in record numbers, yet the media has almost made it a non-priority. Oh, sure, there are little snippets about it, but what do they promote? Wrapping it up. Not, abstinence, or sex within the sanctity of a relationship; Wrap it up.
I”m telling you, sometimes it feels like most of the population is walking around in the “Matrix”; some have taken the right pill and are abstaining from reckless activity, but many more are bouncing around from bed to bed choosing to use protection or not using at all.
Then there is the whole “Down-Low” occurence that is in heavy circulation right now (And really, it isn’t new because men have been creeping for years). The entire “Gay-Scene” has had a make-over. There was a time when everyone, for the most part, knew who was and who wasn’t a practicing homosexual, but that is not the case anymore. Effeminate men still exist, but now there is whole culture of masculine men who don’t identify with being “Gay”, even though they have sex with other men and, the sad part about it is that, many of them will go to their graves, dying of AIDS, and swear with their final breath that that they are straight.
AIDS is not a “Gay” disease, but unprotected sex, sharing needles, and tainted blood transfusions are passing this disease along and keeping it alive. Now, in my mind, if catching something by having sex isn’t enough to dissuade people from hopping around like mindless rabbits, then I’m not sure what will wake people up. I read someplace where Black Women are the fastest growing HIV population in the world and it is heartbreaking to know that many young women are still putting themselves in harm’s way because they “love” that man.
Teen pregnancy is still a factor in a lot of early pregnancies which means that there is a serious breakdown in communication regarding unprotected sex. In addition to getting pregnant, you also run the risk of contracting serious diseases, so loving someone, and letting them hit it raw is really a tell-tell sign of how much a young woman (or man) loves him/herself. Most young men aren’t mentally equiped to even become fathers, and many of them don’t want to be, but where does that leave the baby? Sadly, when these young men reject teenage girls after getting them pregnant, a lot of the young girls push the responsibility of raising the child off on a grandparent or someone else, so that they can go back out looking for another young buck to fill that void (Or so that they can resume their youthful activity of shaking their asses at a night club).
It is a vicious cycle to me and, in all honesty, I truly believe that, in many cases, if someone really and truly loved themselves they wouldn’t be having unprotected sex, and they would be taking the time to get to know a person before diving in and having sex with them.
Infectious diseases, the trail of broken relationships, failed marriages and neglected babies are an indicator to me that a lot of people aren’t thinking about the consequences of their actions.
Instead of looking for love in someone’s bed during the heat of sex, why not try looking for love within yourself first, because once you have discovered it and find the right person who has discovered it too, then mutual love will have a chance to grow into the beautiful and blessed gift that it truly is.
I’m not trying to preach, I’m just trying to help put things into some type of perspective.
A relationship based soley on sex and not real love, is doomed after the climax.
This is Author, G. D. Grace, hoping this will inspire thought.
Author, G. D. Grace; Published © 2010 May