“Mental Work Out” by Author G. D. Grace

“Happy”

I wrote that poem during a moment of reflection, remembering that morning when everything in my life had reached a climatic point…

Having lain down hours before to die, I had awakened inflicted with every emotion I had suppressed since childhood.

I was tired…

Beyond frustrated…

&  filled with insurmountable despair.

Why didn’t he allow me to die?

I asked him that too…

Why didn’t you let me die?

Teary eyed, I fell to my knees and looked upward and chanted:

I know that I am not a mistake!

I know that I am not a mistake!

I know that I am not a mistake!

With every fiber in me I growled and spat out this chant repeatedly, immersed in an anguish that had shadowed my life even on the sunniest of days.

Let me go

Let me go

Let me go

I begged…

Then, realizing that my request was falling on deaf ears, I reached up towards the heavens with arms opened wide in plea…

Help Me

Then, as if I had said the right magical phrase the burdens of guilt, shame, and self-loathing lifted like a morning fog surrendering to the powerful hues of sunlight…

Finally, after years of spending time in sit down sessions with objective parties, I followed a suggestion and retraced my history to find out where the depression first began…

I was in the 4th grade when things began to stray…

I followed that time line all the way up to the present and realized that I had a tendency to take minor situations and turn them into debilitating events. It was as if every bad encounter I had, attached itself onto a mental malignancy that magnified the teasing, the heckling, and the bullying that had only occurred a hand full of times.

In retrospect, I realized that a handful of insecure individuals had been controlling my life year after year, but once I identified that their insecurities were the drivers behind their motives to make me and others feel less than, I found freedom.

So, now, whenever I encounter insecure individuals who spew out criticisms of me, I am able to identify and put things into perspective so that their words cannot damage my spirit.

We all have insecurities and internal conflicts  —  some of us have learned to identify them through therapy and live happier lives, while some of us roam the earth miserable and unhappy — unwilling to take that step towards mental freedom.  Too afraid to step outside of that box because  it’s safer inside of it.

Well, each day I give myself a “Mental Work Out” because I am fully aware that if I get lazy again and stop investing in correcting haywire thoughts, then I will fall back into that mental abyss where I could only see darkness.

Seeking the help of an objective party helps put things in perspective.  I tell anyone willing to listen that, if you are feeling blue and insecure about life….  search and find out where those thoughts are coming from.

Left unchecked they really do take a toll on your happiness.

Be well, everyone…

GD

Author, G. D. Grace Literary Links:

http://stores.lulu.com/enlightenment4theheart

https://author2be.wordpress.com/

http://authorgdgrace.blogspot.com/

EMAIL: Detria0918@sbcglobal.net

“A Touch of Grace” Blog Talk Radio Show:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/author2beepa

CALL IN NUMBER TO SHOW: (347) 215-6245

(Psalms 30:5)

Author G. D. Grace reserves all rights and reproduction without written permission is not permitted.  If found, legal action will be taken against the person(s) or company(s) that have cut or pasted (Plagiarized) any portion of this written document.  Author, G. D. Grace; Published © 2011 August

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About G. D. Grace of California

After the release of his fifth self-published novel, “Ripped & Ready (season 3)” GD ramped up for a new endeavor in radio, and on September 2, 2010 his first #BlogTalkRadio show premiered. His first two guest were two literary colleagues from two different sides of the tracks — one a former prison inmate-hustler, single father, turned author — the other, an accredited teacher and single father first time author. The intense on-air climate of cultural differences on the show, at one point, became thick enough to slice with a butter knife, however, it was a very successful event. Despite the clash over marketing approaches both authors remained professional and the outcome was a highly entertaining and interesting show. The seasons that followed incorporated talent from all walks of creativity, so in addition to the authors, GD’s guest lineup included poets and recovering addicts, motivational speakers and entrepreneurs, filmmakers and professionals in sports training and health, and also established artists from highly successful television shows, as well as, NAACP & Grammy Winners. Many shows gave us an inside glimpse inside the lives of legends from Marvin Gaye, James Brown, Smokey Robinson, Ray Goodman & Brown, Bruce A. Hawes (extraordinary writer for the Sounds of Philadelphia), Gerald Alston of The Manhattans, The Delphonics, Howard Hewett, and Chris Jasper of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame recognized Isley Brothers. Legends of literary Stanley Bennett Clay and James Earl Hardy also brought their distinct creative prowess to the show, as did professionals from the Broadway stage. GD’s show eventually caught the attention of World Media and through this friendship many of the legends mentioned above were tapped to be guests on the show. His friend, and often times, mentor, Wayne Barros became an influential part of the legacy that he was creating one show at time. His friendship, love, and direction helped enforce an inner-confidence in GD which allowed him to stretch his producing skills so the show would have an entertaining variety for the live listener and archive listeners. Between the two audience variations the show has been listened to by over 40,000 people. It has been successful beyond GD’s wildest dreams, and as Season 6 approaches, the adrenalin within him increases. He begins assembling the guest list next month in April 2015, and…
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