I don’t think too much about the old life anymore. In two short years the faces of the once familiar circle I hung with are fading, and even memory of their voices are now faint echos. I won’t even pretend to be dumbfounded about the choices I made and the crowd I chose to hang with for many years too long, because all of the decisions I made were my own. I own it as not to be deemed victim — I was never a victim, I was a willing participant.
A lack of self-confidence led me on a reckless quest to be a part of something with anyone anywhere, and it cost me precious years that I will never get back. If I could go back in time and sit 7 year old me on my knee, I would have a deep heart to heart discussion with him about being okay with being himself. I’d give him insight about where the emptiness and a lack of self worth will lead him — tell him to avoid slippery slopes and shady places — tell him to avoid experimenting with anything that takes him out of his head.
Yeah, If I could go back in time I would do it quicker than the bat of an eye. When we’re young we are so impressionable. Let’s face it, there is no book of foresight given to us that allows us to see into our own futures. Perhaps if there was we wouldn’t make as many foolish mistakes as we do along the road towards adulthood. In all honesty, that old overused cliche’ us growing wiser as we grow older — ummmm…. not true in every case, but in my case I can honestly say, blessed be.
I AM FREE